This was the message I received today. I have to admit, I already had a second part of that original blog written out that I was waiting to post today. But now that I got this message, I'm not sure I want to send it. Hahaha! In all seriousness, this was a very kind and loving reminder which I needed. And to that friend, I say thank you. I love you very much as well.
I was going to leave this comment on your blog, but a) it was long, and b) it was quite personal. So here it is.
Let's get one thing straight (no pun intended). Being gay does not equal being imperfect. No matter what people tell you. And in the second place, NO ONE IS PERFECT. We're not supposed to be! If we were, there would be no need for the Atonement. We're supposed to do the best we can, but the Lord doesn't ask us to do more than that. We waste so much time on guilt. Sometimes we think we're supposed to..."godly sorrow" and all that. But the Lord wants us to be happy. That's His ultimate goal for us.
I'm going to be candid and straightforward right now. You may take my advice or leave it.
I think sometimes gay Mormons equate “being happy” with “being straight.” And since everyone’s goal is “being happy,” it means that gay Mormons’ goals sometimes become “being straight.” But you might as well say your goal is “having blue eyes.” Nothing you do in this life will change your eyes to blue. The only person who has the power to do that is God. So it’s kind of in His hands and His hands alone. That’s a harsh and direct way of saying that, I know. But who says that having blue eyes will make you happy in the first place!?
Happiness comes from doing meaningful things with your life. From learning new things. From gaining new experiences. From cultivating meaningful relationships. Romance CAN bring happiness, and the Lord wants marriage and family life to be a part of everyone’s happiness. But just because you’re gay, don’t exclude yourself from all other forms of happiness. Sometimes you have to shut your ears to the members of the Church and just start listening to the Lord Himself. Things get confusing otherwise. (Which makes my message of advice kinda hypocritical. But whatever.)
So maybe it’s time to reevaluate your goals. “Being straight” may not be the place to start. “Doing something meaningful with your life” might be easier to work towards. It’s hard in the Church because so often, the message is, “Start your own family and then your life will be filled with happiness.” But happiness comes from “family life.” And you came from a family too. You don’t have to be the patriarch of a family to have happiness in it.
And whenever I hear anyone say, "That's so gay" I always say "I didn't know that thing could have a sexual orientation. Or did you mean that thing is stupid? Because being gay and being stupid are pretty different things." It makes me mad.
And I love you dearly.
Let's get one thing straight (no pun intended). Being gay does not equal being imperfect. No matter what people tell you. And in the second place, NO ONE IS PERFECT. We're not supposed to be! If we were, there would be no need for the Atonement. We're supposed to do the best we can, but the Lord doesn't ask us to do more than that. We waste so much time on guilt. Sometimes we think we're supposed to..."godly sorrow" and all that. But the Lord wants us to be happy. That's His ultimate goal for us.
I'm going to be candid and straightforward right now. You may take my advice or leave it.
I think sometimes gay Mormons equate “being happy” with “being straight.” And since everyone’s goal is “being happy,” it means that gay Mormons’ goals sometimes become “being straight.” But you might as well say your goal is “having blue eyes.” Nothing you do in this life will change your eyes to blue. The only person who has the power to do that is God. So it’s kind of in His hands and His hands alone. That’s a harsh and direct way of saying that, I know. But who says that having blue eyes will make you happy in the first place!?
Happiness comes from doing meaningful things with your life. From learning new things. From gaining new experiences. From cultivating meaningful relationships. Romance CAN bring happiness, and the Lord wants marriage and family life to be a part of everyone’s happiness. But just because you’re gay, don’t exclude yourself from all other forms of happiness. Sometimes you have to shut your ears to the members of the Church and just start listening to the Lord Himself. Things get confusing otherwise. (Which makes my message of advice kinda hypocritical. But whatever.)
So maybe it’s time to reevaluate your goals. “Being straight” may not be the place to start. “Doing something meaningful with your life” might be easier to work towards. It’s hard in the Church because so often, the message is, “Start your own family and then your life will be filled with happiness.” But happiness comes from “family life.” And you came from a family too. You don’t have to be the patriarch of a family to have happiness in it.
And whenever I hear anyone say, "That's so gay" I always say "I didn't know that thing could have a sexual orientation. Or did you mean that thing is stupid? Because being gay and being stupid are pretty different things." It makes me mad.
And I love you dearly.
Here here!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree and would like to add, even when we have done something wrong that requires "Godly sorrow" it shouldn't come across as guilt. When we feel Godly sorrow we know that we've done something wrong and it creates a desire in us to do and become better. Guilt creates the desire to berate and put ourselves down. Guilt is what Satan wants us to feel. Our Heavenly Father loves us no matter what we've done and just because we've distanced ourselves from him through sin does not change the fact that he loves us and we should accept and respect that love He has for us by forgiving ourselves.
ReplyDeleteIf your best friend did something really stupid and someone told him/her that they were a horrible person because they had done that wouldn't you feel sad and a little bit angry at the one who said that? The same way we need to let Heavenly Father be the judge of our own actions and use that godly sorrow and maybe even the temptation to feel guilty to guide us towards making improvements in our life, but not to constantly put ourselves down.
Michael, I completely agree with this letter and I just want to let you know that Heavenly Father loves you no matter what you do. If you make a mistake, which im not saying you have, there is always a way back to him. So dont let you being gay stop you from being yourself and living your own life. I really liked the last paragraph in the letter from your friend. Maybe he or she is right in say that "You don’t have to be the patriarch of a family to have happiness in it [life im guessing]." This is completely true. My suggestion is to take this persons advice and so something meaningful in your life such as activating your family in the church or at least attempting to. Just because you are gay doesnt mean that you still dont believe the stuff the church teaches is true and it doesnt mean that one day your family wont see that too. I hope life is going swimmingly for you Michael and just remember that you are loved not only by me and your true friends but Heavenly Father who is always there for you and never leaves.
ReplyDelete