February 26, 2011

Wisdom In Thy Youth, Part One...

I have recently come to the conclusion that I have some incredibly insightful friends. Three separate times this week, I have been dazzled by their wisdom concerning life and the gospel, and I would like to share with you what I have learned. Unfortunately, perspective being what it is, I’m sure my account of the events might differ slightly with the exactness of our conversation. But I will do my best to convey as close to a word-for-word account of what these three people said.

The first instance happened at the beginning of the week. I was having a conversation with a recently married couple, Jake and Faye. We got on the topic of when I first told them I had same-gender attraction. They were both interesting stories but the case that stood out to me most was Faye’s reaction. At first, she didn’t believe me. Even after a prolonged amount of time of both Jake and I trying to convince her, she still thought we were kidding. While we were talking on this occasion though, she explained why she was so hesitant to believe us.

“I just didn’t think you were gay,” she said.

“Really? Because most people tell me that they kind of already knew,” I told her.

“I guess it’s just that I never saw individual things you did and attributed it to being feminine or homosexual. It was just you and I accepted you as a whole.”

Wow, I thought. That’s deep. And it got me to thinking.

I have always been of the belief that if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it’s probably a duck. So the next natural step is, if a guy looks like he’s gay, walks like he’s gay, and talks like he’s gay, he’s probably gay. Makes sense, right? But that’s not what Faye was saying. She said that I might dress different than other people, and I might have a little more bounce and fluidity to my walk than the normal guy. I might even talk in ways that your average guy wouldn’t. But those are nothing more than the buildup of me. It’s seeing the person as a whole instead of bit by bit. And it is also the acceptance of that person as a whole instead of only what you are willing to stomach.

Most people, myself included, see a person display a characteristic trait and then we define the person by that trait. For instance, we see someone who lies, or who is a Vegan, or who loves the Raiders (heaven help them), and then we label them, categorize them, and place them in a nice little box in which they fit into. Faye, on the other hand, is saying, “Sure that person might lie, but that isn’t who they are. The fact that they lie isn’t what defines them.”

Unless…

Have you ever known someone who has a problem which they let define them? Or, more pointedly, do you have a problem which you let define you? For me, I sometimes get my head so wrapped around the fact that I’m gay that I forget about everything else. It takes over my life. It consumes me. And soon it is the only thought in my mind, it’s all I can see. I have other problems in my life but I don’t focus on them. Because I don’t focus on them, they don’t feel as pressing or important or horrific. Perhaps I'm only seeing a little bit of myself and not the whole picture. And perhaps, I would be happier if I didn't define myself by the little things I do.

So, Faye, though you probably didn’t mean to be the topic of choice for this portion of my blog, you have definitely given me a grand insight on life. Thank you.

3 comments:

  1. I love this. I needed this reminder. Thank you.

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  2. So did I. And apparently Heavenly Father felt that I needed to be reminded of quite a bit.

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  3. I needed this too, so thanks. You are an extremely insightful writer and I am really enjoying reading your entries so far. Thank you for hating these things with us, I know it can't have been easy.

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